Remember

Dear Self,

Remember. Remember that everything in life happens for a reason. Remember that there is something to be grateful for every day. Remember that this life is a gift and that decisions determine our destiny.

During our sacrament meeting yesterday good friends of ours spoke and shared some important messages. The focus of one of the talks was to remember. To record your life to share with our family, friends, and those who will only learn about us from the things we make record of. He said to make time to remember the details of this life and to recognize the hand of God in each day. It had me thinking about my present time and how sometimes all I can think about is the future and I spend so much time focusing on the future that I tend to push aside my present. My children especially. I think about when they are older, when they can get themselves dressed or for heavens sake, wipe their own bums!

I want to always remember them as they are right now. I want to remember how much they need me and how much they are learning. I want to remember the way they say "I love you, see you soon" over and over and over to the point of tears whenever I leave the house for a meeting or a quick outing. I want to remember how much they trust me and turn to me for every.little.thing! I spend to much time getting frustrated with them for things they have no control over. I need to remember they are little, and that they will only be this way once. I need to spend my time comforting and encouraging them. I have my good days, but lately I feel like they are few and far between.

Remember Bostyn, how she likes to be in charge and loves to be vocally recognized. She is very good at making you do exactly what she wants and her pouty look can get her just about anything she wants! Remember her lisp and all the conversations we have together and all the emotion she shows in her face when she is telling stories! Remember her contagious laugh and her one-dimpled smile. Her big blue eyes and her tiny little nose. Her love for all things pink and princess. The next time she asks me to paint her nails and toes I hope I can remember to take five minutes to bond with her and remind her there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for her.

Remember Madden, what a sweet and sensitive boy he is and I hope always will be. He wants to be just like his dad and wants to be the best at everything. He is protective and so loving. Remember his brown eyes and how he searches your face for direction and comfort. Remember how he plays with my hair every time he is nervous and the way he makes a hmmm noise whenever he is embarrassed! I need to remember how sensitive he is and how much it hurts his feelings whenever he thinks I am disappointed in him. I hope I can always remember to teach him to do his best and that will always be enough.

Remember Breckyn, what a sweet child she is. I want to remember every detail about her! I want to always remember the day she was born and the way my life changed that day because of her. She is so very special and so needed. I need to remember how quickly she will grow and how I need to cherish every minute with her. Remember  her smile and how from the moment you walk into her room each morning she is full of joy and love. How her smile brightens every morning! Remember the way she loves her Dad and how he is the one who can always make her laugh and the second she sees him her whole body smiles and wiggles! Remember the way she stares when I feed her and how each time I look down at her she is already looking up at me. I need to remember to put my phone down while I feed her and just enjoy each moment with her. Remember how she loves to be cuddled and at the same time how much she loves her own space! I hope the next time she is fussing I can hold her and comfort her instead of giving her her binkie and walking away.

Remember how very blessed I am and always have been.

Dear Madden...

I'm not much of a journal writer. I wish I was, but I've started 20+ journals in my life and don't think I have ever made it past entry #5 so I turned to blogging. Once again. I'm not much of a blogger! I enjoy reading other blogs and stalk frequently ;) I have great intentions of keeping this updated for my family but I fail! And I'm not even sure much of our family sees this anyway. So I'm turning it into letters for my children and husband. If my intentions are to print this "letter-blog" one day do I need to make a different blog or can I choose to print from this post on? Anyone know? Anyway.... I've felt like this is something I need to do for my family and a way for me to remember the little things and the silly things my kids do and say. So I'm going to start with today. 

Dear Madden, 

You touched my heart today, as you often do. You have had such a passion and love for the church and our Lord since you started going to nursery. You are always the one to tell me in detail what you learned in class and exactly what songs you sang and what picture you colored. You are always telling me that things we do and say make Jesus very happy, and sometimes you tell us that things we are doing and saying make Jesus very sad! 

Today was fast and testimony meeting and you have been asking you bare your testimony for months. I always told you that you are to little and that when you grow bigger you can have a turn! Today I changed my mind. I wanted to set and example for you, but that was after you set an example to me. The congregation was silent. Minutes were passing by with no one getting up to bare testimony. You whispered to me, "Why is no one talking, we aren't supposed to take breaks!" My heart melted in that moment so I asked if you wanted to go up there! You very excitedly agreed and we practiced a few words from our seats. Once you felt ready we walked up to the front. And you must know how much I love you to go up there with you! It's not an easy thing for me and truthfully I'm grateful to you for giving me the courage. 

We got to the pulpit and you quickly changed your mind so I told you to sit and that I would go first. You sat on my lap after I was done and we waited until you were ready. You looked into my eyes for guidance while you played with my hair and earrings like you always do whenever you get nervous. You quietly told me you were ready for your turn so we stood and tried it again! You got nervous again so I helped say a few words for you like we had practiced and we went back to our seats. We got back to Dad and Bostyn and you were immediately sad that you didn't do it by yourself and asked if you could go back up! 

What an example you were to me today son. A reminder that there should never be a quiet testimony meeting because we all have much to be thankful for and should always take those opportunities to publicly thank our Father in Heaven. You were an example of courage and faith and I am so very proud of you. I pray you always carry those qualities with you and that you are always brave and always have a desire to share what you believe. You have blessed my life more than you will ever know or understand. The things you say to me and not things all three year olds say. You are a very special boy and I love you just the way you are. Keep being my inspiration Tracer-Boy... I need it more than ever! 

Love, Mom

{Meeting Breckyn}

Breckyn Lee Morrison

7 lbs 3 oz 

20 inches 

March 20, 2014

**WARNING: This is a birth story that includes actual photos from live events that took place on March 20th ;)**

I figure I'd better write Brecks birth story before I forget it all! Its already been a month since this little bit of heaven joined our family and what a perfect addition she has been! We love this baby more than words and I am beyond grateful to be her mother. And even more grateful that I get to watch Robbie once again be a father, and he is thee best at it and it was like I got to fall in love with two people on the day of Breckyns birth! (I should insert here that YES I already loved my husband before this day BUT I got to fall in love even more, he loves his children and everyone who knows him knows that!) 

My pregnancy seemed like much more than 9 months! I only had about 6 weeks in between my miscarriage and getting pregnant again so for me if felt like it was a 15 month pregnancy with no end in sight! So at 39 weeks I was over it all! (like most women are!) 

I went to see my Dr. that day and I had little change from the previous week so I was in a bit of a downer Debby mood the rest of the day and had Young Womens that evening and Rob had called to tell me he was working late so I'd have to take the kids with me! Thats not my most favorite thing to do! So I had a friend of mine, who is also in YW, walk with me that night to the church pushing the 90 pound stroller with the twins! After walking back home that night and back up the hill it takes to get to my house I was tired and uncomfortable and a bit emotional! Robbie got home around 10 and after I went on and on with all my irrational hormonal "get this baby out of me rant" I decided I may as well go to bed and throw myself a pity party! 

Well - 10:30 came around and i hollered to Robbie "umm.. I think my water broke... or maybe I was just finally able to pee more than a drizzle Im not really sure!" He was confused and probably wondered how I couldnt tell the difference. So there I was sitting on the toilet, since I was trying to relieve my bladder in the first place, and a gush of water happened again. And like the total genius that I am, I said to Robbie "Okay now I really dont know whats going on because I just was able to "pee" more! (I mean seriously how dumb can I be?!) So i told him to call our friend to tell her she better come up to the house. And as I was about to tell him to call her back and say never mind, the contractions hit. And they DID.NOT.STOP! Holy smokes! They started about 2 minutes apart and I had no idea what I was in for! 

We got to the hospital at 11:15 and in the room and checked at about 11:30ish! I was at a 5 and contracting every minute and a half. The drug god was in an emergency c-section so I had to wait what felt like a life time! Just over an hour went by and in walked the man of my dreams ;) okay yeah, obviously im exaggerating a bit but come on lets be honest at that moment I would have done anything that Dr. asked me to. So there I was loving every second that that drug had to offer, happy as can be and high as a kite. Not the worst feeling in the world ;) My dr. came in after I got all good and medicated and I was at a 8+. I didn't think it would go so fast but everyone left us alone and turned the lights out so we could "rest"

Minutes later I kept telling Robbie I was certain she was on her way out of me .. what a strange feeling that was. After a bit the nurse came to check me since I was contracting about every 30 seconds and this is how the conversation went 

Nurse: Okay yeah you are a 10 plus and ready to have this baby! 

Me: Okay great... so what does that mean?

Nurse: It means your about to have this baby!! (insert laughing here)

Me: What? Really... sooo.. what does that mean?! 

Nurse: It means its time to push! 

Me: NOW? thats it, thats all thats left? 

*Dont judge me for being a complete idiot! I had no idea what to expect from a normal delivery and had no idea it would all happen so quickly** 

So.. we all know what happens next! Baby time! I wasn't even allowed to have any practice pushes because just attempting to take a deep breath was more than enough to get this baby out! So in walked our Doctor and a few minutes later out came this perfect little human at 2:00 AM. Gosh I wish there were words to describe that moment. There aren't. She was perfect, bald head and all. She was calm and she was more than I ever could have hoped for. She was healthy and she is all mine and we are obsessed with her!

This photo above is so beautiful to me. Seconds after being brought into this earth, I didnt get to experience this moment with the twins and this is what I longed for and why I held out for a VBAC. It was worth it. All of it. 

Robbie had absolutely no interest in cutting the cord. He told the nurses he didn't want to but I told them to ask him when the time comes ;) And he did it! Did he love it? I mean, no, BUT he did it! He said it was such a strange feeling. But I mean could it possibly be more strange than the feeling of a tiny human coming out of your body? Doubt it. 

We love our Doctor and his staff and are so grateful for the memories we have had with him. Such a compassionate and caring man who truly wants whats best for you. We have been through a lot with him in the past year and a half and he has been so kind through it all. 

The twins LOVE their sissy and Madden tells us often how happy Jesus is that we love our baby sister so much! I swear that boy is more in tune then most grown adults and I'm always amazed at the sweet comments that come from him!

Tell me thats not the most adorable photo you have ever seen!? While holding Breckyn she wouldnt take her eyes off Robbie for the first 5 minutes! 

But she finally looked and she is just as obsessed as we are! 

Well there you have it! I spared you all the unkind words and things I said while I was not yet medicated and all about the reality of life after giving birth and the things that people don't ever tell you! And there is a reason why! Breck was about a week old when I was looking at her and said to Robbie, I JUST realized this baby came out of me, its no wonder I feel so awkward in my lady area! Followed by: there is a reason we forget about the pain, because Im not so certain we would want to go through it all again! (Yes of course I would go through it all again but you know what im saying) 

OKAY this has been long enough. I will make another post about life with 3 kids and all that jazz! 

Christmas 2013

We spent Christmas in Morgan with Robbies parents this year and had a great time! The kids were very into Santa this year and although they were terrified of him they would always tell whoever was acting alittle naughty "You better be nice or Santa isnt going to come give you a special surprise!" It was uaually Madden telling Bostyn that about once every hour but it was still cute! 

Christmas Eve they got to open up new jammies, a movie and fruit snacks! (we got the most reaction out of them over the dang package of snacks than anything else!) 

Christmas morning Madden was up at 6:30 asking if we could go down stairs to see what Santa brought, he tried his best to be patient while we waiting for Bostyn to wake up, so about an hour and a half later the little queen decided she would join the fun! She isn't much of a morning person so it took a few minutes for her to start acting and looking excited! 

She did however give a nice smile when she noticed a stocking full of fruit snacks!! HA! 

Checking to see if Santa ate his cookies and gave the reindeer carrots! Santa came to visit us while making cookies the night before but I only have a picture on my cellphone! 

Everyone knows what a sweet boy Madden is, he was so happy with his gift from Santa that he just wanted to hug his Dad!!  

Madden worked hard and saved money to buy Bostyn this little Barbie which she LOVED! And she bought his two little disc guns that I may, or may not, have thrown in the trash already ... Dont judge! 

Little bossy pants wanted to open everyone elses presents and not her own... this is when Rob was trying to explain that that isnt how it works.. Minutes later she was upstairs in a little time out and further discussion!! She gives the nastiest stink eye and doesnt brake!! 

Grandma Linda had these hats made for the kids, and even one for me, but I decided I'd save mine for baby girl for next Christmas! I just dont think I'll be wearing that hat often!! 

We are grateful for all that Grandma and Grandma Morrison did for us this year! The kids are so spoiled... loved.. yes, I mean loved! ;) 

  

But Of coarse, playing in a box of peanuts was WAY more fun than any present they could have asked for!

The boys playing the Wii. Madden was obsessed with this game and now thinks he is a real baseball and tennis player!! This kid LOVES sports, which you know makes his Dad very proud and happy!! 

Bostyn gave it a try for about 3 minutes then was over it! She is a hoot and a half, but anything involving coordination isn't really her thing!!! We still love her!!! And I will still raise her to play softball!! ;) 

Anyway, Happy New Year to everyone and I look forward to whats to come this year! 10 more weeks until we meet our little girl!! I cannot wait and I think its finally starting to sink in that I am even actually pregnant! The twins talk about her all the time and ask if she can come out of my belly... Madden will sit by me and just rub my tummy and say "hi baby sister!" And I think we will have to name her Breckyn because it sounds SO dang cute when Bostyn and Madden say her name!! I think Breckyn fits into our family just right!!