Its obviously been awhile since I have updated our blog. I never really knew what to write or wanted to take the time to do it. I've been in a weird place the last several months and pretty much shut myself out of most social activities! After losing our last baby (which I know happens to so many people) I just shut down. Mentally. I couldn't focus on much and my memory was shot. I spent a lot of days sitting on the couch. I haven't found a word to describe it. Closest I think I can come is depression. Not from losing our baby, but I think from the hormone imbalance or something. I obviously got pregnant again rather quickly. Only 8 weeks went by before I found myself taking a pregnancy test and starring at it and kept coming back to it every ten minutes for the next week before I even told Robbie. (Yes I realize that sounds very odd that I wouldn't tell him I was pregnant BUT our anniversary was the next week so I was trying to tell him then!)
Anyway, there are a few people that I can talk to and everything is normal, but mostly I just look at the person and try to act like I am listening. Things are getting better for me mentally and I feel somewhat normal and I am trying to get back on my routine. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I spent a lot of time with a very dear friend of mine and always find myself leaving our conversations feeling like things are going to be just fine and that we all go through these times where not much makes sense but we keep on keepin' on and it all works itself out.
I've come to realize, remember again, just how blessed I am. How blessed my family is and how joyous it can be. I just went through a lot of pictures on my phone while uploaded them to my computer and figured it would be a good time to document a few and remember all these moments!
This was from our DISNEYLAND trip! Alone on splash mountain! Thank heavens our friends came with us!
My sweet family. Our kids loved DL but the lines overwhelmed them (and me!)
My extremely handsome boys! I love these two more than anything!
My twins aren't babies anymore and it makes me so sad! They will be three soon and watching them change everyday can be hard! I want to keep them little! They are my best friends!
I love when they actually get along and aren't pulling and pushing or licking and spitting! ;)
We always get together for our family "August-Birthdays" and i thought it would be fun to tell me sisters! It took them a LOT longer to figure out "my eggo is preggo!!"
Bostyn and her many attempts to do her own makeup! She gets mascara all over the place just like i do!
We went to a football game and Madden was is heaven! He loved every minute and cried like a baby when we left a minute early because he wanted to watch the cheerleaders dance one more time! ha!
We really do have such fun times together as a family. Lots of drama, lots of fighting and tantrums but overall things are going well and of coarse we are excited to add to our family in March!
At 16 weeks with little miss. Most days it doesn't seem real and other days I remember that I should have been having a baby this week and then I again remember I still have a ways to go! I have been pregnant all year. It really shouldn't be a surprise as to why I feel so crazy and emotional!
I wanted to be surprised by the baby's gender the day of delivery, Robbie wasn't having that idea at all and truthfully I think I only wanted to because he didn't think I could actually do it! So we compromised! We went to the ultrasound and the tech didn't tell us but wrote it down and we headed to a photo shoot to capture or reactions! We both thought it was a boy from the ultrasound. The tech showed us the legs and we thought for sure we saw "boy parts!"
We all write down our guesses on chalk boards and then I covered my eyes and my friend revealed to Robbie the gender and he helped the kids paint their hands and put them on my shirt! So when I uncovered my eyes I was honestly shocked so my reaction picture is real!
Robbie has been a real gem while I have been trying to figure out my crazy self! He steps in so much and helps me everyday! He is the greatest man and I don't ever give him enough credit for all he does! By the end of the day when he gets home its hardly a pleasant welcoming! I'm so done with the day and over the fighting and yelling and whining that I feel like all i do is complain and yet I still never hear him complain and no dinner, laundry a MILE high along with dishes! I'm sure it wasn't what he had in mind when I told him 3 years ago how excited I was to be able to stay home because i would always be on top of cooking cleaning and blah blah blah!! Oh well - such is life! And its a good one! And no I don't just sugar coat our happy life just for the Internet world. I really do love my family and all our ups and downs! ;)
Until next time! Which could be another 6 months!
